


with you, anew

by dahkkun



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, internal dilemmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28272897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahkkun/pseuds/dahkkun
Summary: siyeon tries to let go of a habit she was once accustomed, with some reassurance.
Relationships: Kim Minji | JiU/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	with you, anew

**Author's Note:**

> *needs to go grocery shopping for the christmas eve preparation*
> 
> "holy shit, wait a minute, i think i can write a fic about spending christmas w a special someone and i think i--"
> 
> *types furiously on phone in the car instead of using time wisely and get on with the groceries asap*
> 
> thus this mess

Siyeon wakes up from her bed, eyes drowsed with sleepiness still, but she gets up albeit the struggle.

  
  


It was snowing outside, flakes cutting through colloids as deftly as they can with gravity's aid, the sunlight dimmed by the clouds looming across its sky, and Siyeon was thankful it did because she wouldn't be able to handle the rays that'll seep in the room and stir them from their slumber. As she likes getting up depending on her liking, it definitely is a must that she isn't disturb, unless affections are in place.

  
  


She stretches, making her joints pop itself awake and lessen the weight that could drag her back to her mattress, and lets her feet touch the frigid floor. She should place a rug here or something, Siyeon notes to herself, the cold touching her toes.

  
  


It's not that she hates the cold as much, she says to no one in particular, she was just used to warmth that exceeds comfort, making it squirmy because she thinks that winter seasons are meant to be celebrated in the cold but with pads encircling around her freezing joints, thawing them. She would smile, cheekily, and would lean in to chaste, and the other would avoid her lips out of tease before delving into the arms of bursting care. Laughter thereafter resonates, Siyeon's would be more contained than the other, whose laugh would bounce off the walls and break fragility that'll never be existing in the first place because she's incredibly boisterous, giggly and everything Siyeon used to think was perfect and her everything.

  
  


Ears echoed in its habit, the whine of the other mentioning how cold it is, making Siyeon say back that it isn't. Then their usual bickers would erupt, as Siyeon would wrap themselves in a blanket, not knowing it'll cause a precious white lie to be revealed.

  
  


She shakes her head, frowning at the memory that unknowingly flashed in her mind.

  
  


Siyeon supposes, with the routine she buries deep in her numbing pain that this is her first season without _her_.

  
  


But it's okay.

  
  


She'll be alright.

  
  


This wintery mess shouldn't be any different from the seasons that had passed.

  
  


After all, Siyeon thought with her throat less parched as she consumes the water from her fridge, she told herself that this time things would be different, hopefully. Less pain, less hopes and more… lasting.

  
  


Turning from her kitchen counter, she takes in the apartment, the alterations made right after the years she had been with the little fire she always ignites that has now been extinguished long after their spark has lost its way.

  
  


It isn't any of their fault, Siyeon likes to believe, but she remembers how much she despised the outcome of the standstill she thought could remain forevermore. The tears she shed, the voice ramming her rigid, and the stature of a small girl mumbling how things aren't working out after all and that no matter how much they try to mend things, it'll always fall out of place. And things that are broken, can never be reverted to how it was before.

  
  


But they can be replaced, in a way that would bring you back to life and not spiral you down into desperate healing from the agony that etches itself on its wake.

  
  


A smile subconsciously makes its way to Siyeon, heart envelopes itself in a fluttering sentiment, making her purse her lips in anticipation, at the same time contentment. 

  
  


She was glad she didn't delve in her flaws. Being able to forget what she can be, is a tendency. But with a little bit of miracle, a light in the dark that illuminates her obsidian expanse that devours her, she heals.

  
  


Her vision shifts to the table of two, once alone but now has another, occupied with saucers meant for the matching couple cups she bought with her, brewing coffee and drinking with it, she thought it was romantic, plus it was cute, and it was cheesy but she loves it either way, moreseo now with accompany. The couch that used to be sleek with knitted covers and plushies of chicks, now is pink contrasting against her black liking (Siyeon would always chuckle when she remarks of how peculiar it is to be combining such colors, she would be replied with a beam that cuts her weak, and say that it's part of their aesthetic). The lined up little cactus plants on the rail of her terrace that weren't there before, has now decorated itself pleasantly in spite of Siyeon's first impression, thinking it doesn't really match with anything at all to which the older would tut in disagreement, laying a persuading kiss on her cheek (which wasn't an issue before with her prior relationship, but now it has brought to her recognition that she does have a soft spot for someone after all), and says, _just because it's peculiar, doesn't mean it'll never fit itself well_ ; it did prove her wrong in the end.

  
  


A residing itch rose from her tips, making her scratch her nose in habit.

  
  


She trudges towards the bathroom, avoiding seeking the nudging past that is always hard to erode.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She stares at herself in the mirror.

  
  


Hair a bit disheveled from waking up early, and eyes a bit droopy from lack of sleep lately.

  
  


She takes in a breath, palms on the counter of the sink.

  
  


It strikes back whenever she was alone, leaving her mind to wander itself and eventually stumble into a forbidden moment to remember.

  
  


Mindlessly, she grabs for her toothbrush, her ponderings tingles her to do anything and divert her focus from it.

  
  


Siyeon was too preoccupied with her thoughts that she misses the creak of the bathroom door, a presence coming in and disrupts her internal dilemma.

  
  


Minji wrapped her arms around Siyeon, sneaking past the barriers Siyeon held up for herself in case of collateral damage she was sure to get (but was proven wrong because Minji's a different case). It doesn't tell whether or not it's a bad thing, because she indulges and takes in everything Minji is, that makes her more complete than ever. 

  
  


There was still exhaustion in Minji's half-lidded eyes, snuggling further into Siyeon's scent as Siyeon chuckles, mouth still frothing with toothpaste, and leans to Minji's front with ease.

  
  


"Hey," she lulls, "Still sleepy?" Siyeon manages to speak with her mouth still occupied by her toothbrush, then spitting out its fluoride remnants and gargles with water from the sink.

  
  


She feels Minji hum in reply, shaking her head, then nuzzles in deeper Siyeon's neck, sighing.

  
  


"You should get more shut eye," Siyeon doesn't move away from the embrace, subtly rocking themselves, Siyeon's hands clasped jointly with hers, basking in the moment of Minji clinging on.

  
  


"I'm awake now," Minji suppresses a yawn, contradicting her statement.

  
  


"Say that to yourself," Siyeon chuckles, side-glancing, fills her vision with fading purple locks and lavender aroma, making her dizzy in fondness.

  
  


Minji had been pulling consistent overtimes before the daunting arrival of Christmas eve. Siyeon thought it to be nice of her, sweet, because Minji would always whine about her employees being arduous to handle as usual because it's the holidays but then topple herself on top of Siyeon, and in front of Siyeon only, and huffs into her shirt with numerous complaints before getting up again a few minutes later to continue on with the supervising via online, muttering ' _this will only be for a few more days so I can spend more time with Singnie_ and Siyeon thinks Minji forgets momentarily she lives under the same roof as her and she can hear all of it as Siyeon lets out a tiny chortle. Or maybe she says that intentionally to let Siyeon know that every cuddle on hold is for them to get to it longer when the time comes until then.

  
  


"I'll just start making breakfast then," tells the half-awake, smooches the side of Siyeon's temple - a signal of her letting go - and unlatches herself from Siyeon.

  
  


The warmth instantly dissipates, much to her unliking.

  
  


And Siyeon doesn't feel like waiting in the cold for a meal.

  
  


Minji's hand was already on the knob of their bathroom door when Siyeon reaches for it and interlaces their fingers together. She guides them and encircles limbs around her midriff, placing them back to their previous position.

  
  


Siyeon then relaxes, feeling security enveloping her whole.

  
  


Breathes hung in the air, their hearts beating, conducting endearment slowly, steady and mellow, waiting for each other to fracture the silence.

  
  


Although silence became something Siyeon was accustomed to. She doesn't dislike it, she learned to realize over time that there comes solace upon unspoken truths, because there is more than trust that binds their strings tight.

  
  


"What's on your mind?" Minji whispers, wanting to prolong their moment of indulgence.

  
  


Siyeon stays mute, nuzzles her temple near Minji's whose head was near Siyeon's as Minji leans on her prominent shoulder with her chin.

  
  


She was never the one to talk about what she usually feels. Usually, Siyeon jots down whatever negativity that crawls into her mind on a notebook she keeps to herself, and Minji respects her for that, which was very and really kind of her. She'll open whenever she feels like she's ready; Minji did remind her over and over, whenever Siyeon feels like she's holding their relationship back because of her initial downfall, all the time that it was okay. She was willing to wait for Siyeon to pick up her pieces, one by one, together with her, and the sentiment Minji evokes and stirs inside Siyeon from the slumber of pessimism she was in before, made her grasp the useless apprehension she always builds up is enough for Minji to take it down and take her to new heights and perspectives. It was beautiful, Siyeon divulges, like talking to the fear that usually suffocates her entire being, abates it.

  
  


Bringing up Minji's calloused hand, she kissed it deftly, followed by resting it on her cheek before she respires, mutely attempting to subside the heavy weight piling in her gut.

  
  


"It's…" She mumbles, her thoughts wedging itself to say something, _anything_ . Because the last time she was unable to utter a reason -- _they_ fell apart. _Nothing,_ became so resounding.

  
  


"It's about _her_ , isn't it?" Minji finishes for her, more than Siyeon could ever have the courage to do so.

  
  


"I'm sorry," Was all she could attain, "I shouldn't be thinking about her when it's already been months"

  
  


Minji nods, tightening her embrace.

  
  


"And the fact that I should be thinking more about us than my past, the more I try to bury the habits I used to do with _her_ , the more I feel myself collapsing," Siyeon's voice echoes in the polished tiles of their restroom, it repeats and hangs in the tension that it increases whatever worry she had.

  
  


Siyeon apologizes then, fervently, the pinches she marks on Minji faltering with her eyes staring at her through the mirror in front of them.

  
  


"Siyeon…" Minji adjusts, making Siyeon face her and filters through her bangs to get a better look, "We've talked about this before. It's okay if we take things slow," She gives an understanding croon, placing both hands beside Siyeon's head in a reassuring manner, "Bora had a huge impact on your life, and we can never ever erase that nor can we ignore all the moments you've had with her"

  
  


Siyeon winces at the mention of the name she blocks out.

  
  


"But that doesn't mean we can't start anew," Minji smiles, bringing Siyeon closer to her and placed a chaste kiss atop her forehead.

  
  


"We have all the time in the world, Singnie, don't be afraid to let me wait. Because I will always have the patience for you," She adds, feeling Siyeon's hesitant arms surround itself with Minji.

  
  


"And no matter what happens, I'll always be here"

  
  


The quivers she felt were apparent, and seconds later, Siyeon broke down.

  
  


"I'm sorry," Siyeon whispers, a bit cracked, fingers clenched on Minji's massive shirt, and enshrouds herself in depth.

  
  


"It's okay," Minji breathes, soothing the edges of Siyeon's foreboding.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Homemade breakfast was then scheduled for another day, finalizing their morning with takeouts from a delivery app.

  
  


"You sure with just _poke_ being your breakfast?" Siyeon wonders, fingers already fiddling with Minji's veins prominent on hand.

  
  


"Yeah," Minji lets out a grin, "You should try it sometimes, it tastes really good"

  
  


"I don't do well with vegetables," Siyeon grimaces at the thought of mixed flavors in one bowl.

  
  


Minji repositions, scooting closer to Siyeon to lay a peck on her nose, "If I feed you, would that change?"

  
  


Siyeon smirks at that, "Maybe"

  
  


"I'll take that as a yes then," the other hums in approval, limbs now entangling itself with another in pieces of familiarity.

  
  


"I hate that I agreed"

  
  


"The deed's already done," Minji teases, tracing her forefinger on the bridge of Siyeon's nose and bops it gently.

  
  


'How can I refuse such an opportunity?" Siyeon giggles, protrudes obscurely to catch Minji off guard and chase dotingly on her lips.

  
  


Minji returns the laughter, giddy, and brought Siyeon adjacent to hers and full on kissed her.

  
  


Siyeon purrs into the kiss, inhales greatly, intoxicating herself with the lavender scent she goes crazy for, licking the front of Minji's mouth to give better access as she slowly begans to caliberate by climbing atop the older.

  
  


Minji shifts, sitting a bit and scuttled at the edge of the headboard of their bed, guiding Siyeon with her pulling her sleeves.

  
  


Siyeon was settled on Minji's lap, thighs trapping her, and wraps her arms around Minji's neck as she leans in again to capture the beauty that's beyond comprehension.

  
  


They went on like that for quite a few minutes, touching each other's skin through thick layers which they don't mind, jokingly drawling and biting and remembering their fragrance that's part of memories that'll go on till they lose sense.

  
  


It made Siyeon comfortable, that they could go on for hours and not escalate to roughness.

  
  


It wasn't like this before, and it was a good thing. Maybe better.

  
  


Lenient and tender. Just benign of holds and clutches of benevolent intuition.

  
  


Her heart swells, at the thought of this lasting forever.

  
  


Almost made her cry, if not for the embarrassing thought of breaking down again.

  
  


"I love you so much," Siyeon murmurs, the kisses halting, cheeks clumped on the other, as she inclines to Minji's, burying herself deep in succor.

  
  


Minji releases a tiny chortle, returning the embrace, if not tighter, and emanates, "I love you too, so much. No matter how much seasons would pass"

  
  


And perhaps it was lovely, hearing it with so much devotion that alleviates the gnawing dread within her.

  
  


Minji was the flint that began it all, and Siyeon was the wind it brews. Together they created a flame that will never be smothered, a never-ending spark.

  
  


Siyeon was quelled at that recurring thought.

  
  


So she pulls back, tilts and seized her love.

  
  


This time, she isn't so afraid anymore.

  
  


And it could be why she was just so happy, tears can't help itself but rejoin.

**Author's Note:**

> i genuinely forgot how to write


End file.
